I am alive just letting you know

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InvaderPumpkinQueen's avatar
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Hey guys, I just thought I would get on here and clear some things up. I don't even know how many people still care about me on here or even took a notice I was gone. But I just thought I would let whoever is reading this why I haven't been on.

I just couldn't handle it anymore, this site and these fandoms. The stress was to much for me. I know I always lied and said I was okay. That the ocean of haters and the hateclub people formed about me wasn't bother me and I was fine. But I wasn't. It was eating me up inside and slowly destroying me. I wasn't feeling good, I was sick, and over stressed, and miserable. Maybe it was my fault, I don't know.
But it was just to much for me. I couldn't live like that. This is why I left the Hetalia fandom and had to get off here.

I never wanted to hurt anyone, I never did. But nobody ever took the time to ask me or get to know me or why I said these things. I deal with depression and anxiety. My temper comes from me being angry at myself and never having any people to really talk to about it; it all just boilers over. And all the hate and threats and death wishes never helped that. It just made me worse. it kept getting worse and worse and worse. I wasn't me anymore.

I get on here and I still have people mentioning me in comments, and they are not bringing me up nicely. Getting on here today people are still talking about me hatefully.

So that is why I ran away from here, to start all over again and try to forget. A new fandom, new people. All of the past erased. For people to not see me and know me from rumors and hateful things. I don't want to be remembered as 'that b*tch'. I just...want to be me.

It was scared as hell at first. Nobody knowing you, not knowing anyone. I didn't know what to do or what to say or how to act. I was stressing out again, shutting myself off and not trusting anyone. I didn't want to be hurt like this again. I wouldn't be able to take it again. But as months past I finally found the fandom I needed, and it led to many others. I have friends who are truly helping me through my depression and anxiety. It is slow, but I am working through it. But I am feeling better and....I am happy.

I wanted to let anyone here who still cares know this. And if you do want to know me and speak to me, please message me and I'll happily tell you my tumblr. I don't want to post it, afraid people I don't want to follow me to follow me.
© 2015 - 2024 InvaderPumpkinQueen
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Isabj's avatar
I have left the Hetalia fandom a loooooong time ago too because of the fandom :c i understand how you feel, this is awful :(

welcome back ^^